Tonight I’m making a roast.
I work four nights a week. While the hellions are in school I edit Old Souls, which means the nights and weekends I do get to spend with the boys are typically quite busy. Meals are rushed. There is homework to contend with, chores to be doled out, and music lessons to practice between futsal, basketball, and physiotherapy appointments for the youngest hellion’s clubfoot, which has recently begun to turn back in as his quickly growing bones seem to be growing a little too quickly for his muscles to keep up.
*takes deep breath*
Sometimes I look at my family and marvel at how fast life moves.
My husband and I often pass like two ships in the night: occasionally able to enjoy each other’s company in the workings of everyday life, but usually high-fiving at the door for “shift change.” We exchange texts and calls throughout the day, highlighting all the pertinent information like what’s going on at work, or that one of hellions needs to be monitored a little more closely on his newly acquired social-media privileges, or a message from the principal about the middle one fighting at school.
This is our life. It isn’t the neat and tidy undertaking I envisioned with that first positive pregnancy test: where my husband and I would be home to enjoy family meals at night, and my career would fit neatly into a 9-5 package. Sometimes I feel like I’m just treading water: my book will never be finished, I’m not devoting enough attention to my job, house, or marriage, and I’m a terrible mom.
I hear those feelings are normal these days.
Our life is messy, and oftentimes not ideal, but it works. Our family works. Our life works.
And it’s often only when tragedy strikes that we realize it.
On Friday March 8th, one of the oldest hellion’s good friends lost his mother in a horrific car accident on her way home from work.
I didn’t know her.
It was snowing. Her son was waiting at home. And instead of meeting his mother at the door, he was greeted by two police officers who took him to the hospital to meet his father.
Even though we weren’t friends, I have been affected by this woman’s passing in ways I could have never anticipated. It’s as if the world has been spinning like a top the last few years . . . and has suddenly come to a halt. It’s as if this moment stopped us to stare at the stars.
And all I can think of is this boy and his father.
And all I can think of is my own beloved hellions opening the door to find two police officers with terrible news.
Tonight, it’s supposed to snow again. The winds are going to blow. In fact, I can hear them now, railing against the front windows, growing in force. Tonight, we will be together, safe indoors with absolutely nowhere to go.
So tonight, I’m going to make a roast.
Comfort
LikeLiked by 2 people
♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
well said.
LikeLiked by 3 people
When I was in grade 8, my friend lost her mom this way. It still affects me. You never know.
LikeLiked by 2 people
There are so many small things we take for granted every day. These events are so heartbreaking.
LikeLike
What a lovely post….am sure you are a great Mom.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Thank you. 💛
LikeLike
Reminders of our mortality often come as a shock, but always as a useful reminder to get our $h!t together just in case the worst happens to come a little closer to home. Soak up each and every hug you can… but have a plan for your family if someone departs a little early.
Your banner image is beautiful, by the way.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You’re absolutely right.
And thank you.
LikeLike
I think a lot of people can relate to this. I am amazed and frightened by how quickly the days, weeks, then months seem to go by. Fitting in quality time with the family is increasingly difficult, which makes no sense because that is what is most important in the end. How’s the old saying go? Stop the world, I wanna get off.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Haha, right.
Sometimes I find myself wishing time away… It seems silly now, when you realize it can all crash down so easily.
But then, this moment too will pass.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hope the roast is tasty
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ha! I am not a well-practiced chef.
LikeLike
Funny
LikeLike
❤
LikeLiked by 2 people
Dear J. A., Baloney! You are not a terrible Mom, and I hope you do know that! Life is not the way it is presented in Movies, TV, Books etc. It’s the down and dirty of everyday life – I think it’s called reality. I always hate movies that never show all of a person’s life. I remember those years and you are indeed wise to realize that they “Fly By”! Take lots and lots of photos and videos. You might even try some “guided journal entries to make” about their summer, their Christmas, Birthdays etc. that they can have to look back on when you give them back after they are married. I still review old assignments from high school on “Your Ideal Mate” etc.
Make the time you have quality time not quantity. Modern media makes it easier to be in touch with kids without having to be there physically. Make sure you pass down a love or passion of yours to them if you can. Something that they will always identify with – Mom!
Sorry to hear about your child’s friend’s Mom. It isn’t always as clear to us as it should be that we are really candles in the wind. Forgive me, My Dear for going On and On and On and On! But your piece took me back down Memory Lane.
You might want to start capturing some time by using your cell phone as a dictation device? You can capture a lot of good things. It’s helped me.
You might want to check out the poem – “A Flickering Soul” on my blog. One of our friends (retirement community) lost his wife and I was privileged to be able to recite this at her service. He said, it really spoke to his soul. So, perhaps you might think it worthy for the husband who just lost his wife?
Chuck
xoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for the kind suggestions, Chuck. I will look for your poem now. The time you took to relay ideas is much appreciated.☺️
LikeLiked by 2 people
J.A., Just wanted to say Thank You so much for this post and the wonderful feelings and emotions expressed and what a seed of inspiration it was to me! Your post inspired me to write “Fly By” and I am deeply indebted to you for the seed that blossomed! If you don’t mind I would like to attribute inspirational credit to you and this post?? Please let me know? chucklindholm@hotmail.com I can send you a copy, if you like.
Chuck
xoxo
LikeLiked by 2 people
Absolutely. Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great! Email me and I will cut and paste it and also attach a Word file.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Another wonderful piece which sent both smiles and shivers all through me. A fabulous reminder to try to enjoy and appreciate every single moment.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, Juliet. Lovely to hear from you again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great to hear from you too, Jenny.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Jenny, you know as well as I do time tells us when to stand still, count our blessing, as you do, my best to you and yours. Your old friend. Eric.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you, J. A. for this reminder. I had a similar experience last week when a colleague shared her concern for one of her colleagues in the field who was in a very precarious life and death situation. We both became laser focused on the frailty and precariousness of life and how quickly things can change for better or worse. Thank you for sharing this so eloquently.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Good friend whom I’ve never met–
We are connected by our love for our families and our certainty that we are doing it all wrong. From the vantage point of great age, and after spending 11 years as a parapro in both high school and elementary school, I have this observation to offer. Does your family feel loved? Do they know that no matter how busy you are, if they really, truly need you, you will drop everything to take care of them?
I have seen a lot of children from a lot of different kinds of families, and the most significant thing in their lives is “Does someone love me?” For your children, and husband, the answer is very obviously, “Yes.”
You have no choice but to “keep dancing as fast as you can,” but don’t be too hard on yourself about the rest. You love them, and they know it. Your doing well enough.
Beth
LikeLiked by 2 people
This actually brought tears to my eyes. So often we focus on the unimportant truly believing its important when in fact we have neglected the most important things all together. Thank you for this. This is truly beautiful.
LikeLiked by 2 people
My house is not a 9-5, my boys probably the same age as yours with the same struggles have known no different. I fully understand your feelings and the judgement we place on ourselves, but it works… most of the time.
Similar to you it was a wake up call that made me focus on dinner…. it dosent matter if I’m on a 12 hour night or an afternoon shift, I have dinner sorted, I call while they are eating to hear the conversation I’m not there for and on the nights I’m home, I get them in the kitchen with me and we cook….
don’t be too hard on yourself, shift workers tend to be the best jugglers of time 🙂
LikeLiked by 3 people
Life is messy. Unless you have suffered a loss you really don’t understand how to live in the moment. For those of us who have had losses you truly understand tomorrow is never guaranteed. So you count your blessings and give thanks for another day. I’m making quiche.
LikeLiked by 3 people
I think we are all affected by a tragedy that happens in our communities. It’s definitely a reminder to cherish what we have. Hope the roast turns out okay.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I like how you begin with the ordinary and end with the extraordinary. The image of the officers standing at the child’s door is powerful.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Indeed, Ma’am, life goes on. The wheel turns, the snow ploughs, the roasts do so … and in the end it’s all about luck (and doing the best we can with the cards we’re dealt).
LikeLiked by 3 people
You. Inspire. Me.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Yes, life indeed is messy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: FLY BY | Poet's Corner
Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet and commented:
Come read this great post about the pace of life and the functioning of our families into today’s fast paced life.
J.A.’s post was the inspiration for my “Fly By” – I loved her line – Sometimes I look at my family and marvel at how fast life moves.
Come see if you can relate???
LikeLiked by 2 people
Family is important, I remember a few tragedies like that growing up. Since then I’ve tried to focus on the moments that we can be a family again together. I hope you and your family continues to stay safe, healthy and together.
LikeLiked by 2 people
A good start to my day to read this, to appreciate and be grateful.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I hate that it takes events such as that one to remind us of the importance of appreciating the time we have together while we have it. I know you didn’t know her, but my sympathies to you (your hellion and your hellion’s friend, especially).
LikeLiked by 4 people
This is lovely writing: strong and thoughtful and full of suppressed emotion. Finish that book! Roger.
LikeLiked by 3 people
We moved states this last summer. My 5th grader had her circle of friends that was sad to leave. For the most part, a few we knew well and did activities with their families regularly. However, there were a couple we (the parents) didn’t know. Our family best friends, their daughter quickly became best friends with a girl named, Shelby. My daughter and she were never close, but again they all played together on the playground. After we left, I would see facebook posts of our old besties going out and doing things with their new besties. Shelby’s mom is a 4th grade teacher at the school we just left. Just 3 weeks ago, I got on Facebook and saw a post on my old besties time line that Shelby went home on Friday, went to sleep, and never woke up Saturday! She was only 11 years old. Although we didn’t know these people personally, it has touched all of us in ways we hadn’t thought it would. It was difficult to tell our daughter. And our heart aches for our bestie Stephanie, that was hanging out with Shelby quite frequently. These poor girls started 6th grade, first loosing my daughter to moving and then another to an unexplained death. Saying “see you later” on Friday after school, and Monday to not having her there. They have no idea why Shelby died and the family is currently going through genetic testing, etc. They have another 10 year old child. I can’t imagine the parents ever sleeping again until they have answers. So, I understand your post. It’s impossible to not think of your own family during times like these.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’d give almost anything to experience a 9-5 life. But I suppose once the novelty wore off, it wouldn’t be very long before things would be back to real-life normal.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Pingback: The Unthinkable – Humble, but Humorous
J.A. I look forward to your posts. I scour my feed, hoping that I’ve missed one and that it’s tucked into the folds, waiting for me. Now that you’ve shared how hectic your life can be, I will wait with more patience. Concerning this post, Life shakes us up sometimes to remind us not to take it for granted.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I usually have grand intentions of losing more regularly, but it’s difficult to find time for everything, isn’t it? Thank you, for sharing that, Linda. Made my day.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wonderful
LikeLiked by 2 people
Life is so full of surprises many of which you don’t see coming. I wonder if we knew what is in store for us we would be better prepared. Great post
LikeLiked by 1 person
It sounds like you are doing well. It takes a lot of work to raise a family. It’s only recently, the past 10 years, that I have become fortunate to work from home. This allows me to contribute more around the house even though our family is now grown and out of the house. You are doing well. Keep up the good work and be strong especially during adversity.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you.
LikeLike
What a touching story. Yes sometimes it is these sad events that make us stop and realize we often forget what is important. Thanks for writing this and stopping by and following my blog. Best to you!
LikeLiked by 3 people
And best to you, too.
LikeLike
Oh my your life is perfect !!!is there such a thing as a perfect family well yes I Believe we are all perfect in our own way routines no routines dragging through the day or smooth sailing but no matter how we are as a family if your together and there’s love and your happy now that’s perfect 🙂 that poor kid who lost his mom my heartbreaks … in October my son lost a friend in a car accident on a rainy day and the parents are doing ok but barely so yeah every time my son 17 gets in his car to go to work school and it raining snowing , I take a deep breath and pray he makes it safely . Love your blog and thank you for following me.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Life is precious. Thanks for sharing!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for liking my post , I’m sorry For mistaken you thinking you followed me , that’s why I thanked you for that sorry for the confusion . Have a great day 🙂
LikeLike
I feel I almost know you J.A., and your ability to find perspective. Both my younger and elder brothers passed too soon, and my niece who works in a hospital shared a story with me last week.
A father was awaiting the surgeon who could possibly save his sons life, and it seemed the time was long. Once there, the father criticized the Dr for the time span asking if it were your son, would have you dragged so? After the surgery, the Dr said his son would be fine now, any questions, please ask the nurse; and quickly departed. A minute later when the nurse arrived, the father again criticized the Dr, raging of his arrogance to not even explain the process, and then leaving.
The nurse then said, when he received the page, he was at the funeral of his son who passed earlier in the week, due to an accident. He promised his wife and daughter he’d be right back to get them, so he had to leave immediately after your son’s surgery. We’re sorry.
Stories like these make me cry, and with 300 million people in this country it happens far too often.
Stay safe, and stay in love with your family. When safety is gone, the love of your family will not be.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing – I can definitely relate to this as I experienced it – not my mom, but my brother – I also understand the hectic schedules and fitting in family time – but it’s so important to stop & take in the moments – even the crazy ones!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such a horrifying loss that would be…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Dan Alatorre – AUTHOR and commented:
Great thoughts (again) from one of my favorite writers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep. You’re a terrible mom.
LikeLike
What a beautiful post! I completely understand where you’re coming from. Mother of two, trying to manage the fragments of a writing career, editing manuscript for what seems like ages and trying to do my best in life juggling all the in betweens. You find yourself complaining about this or that when suddenly you hear of unthinkable tragedy. You want to stop, pull everyone in close and breathe. Keep at it! Your post is proof enough you are doing a great job. You care enough to put it into focus.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love your blog which is why I’ve nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award, for more information go to: https://sierraleonegirl.wordpress.com/2018/03/26/sunshine-blogger-award/
LikeLike
I read this a week ago or so and it only took a few words of rereading it to bring all the emotions back. How utterly rich and full of pain alongside beauty. Sometimes I wonder if that’s what grief is.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for returning with the comment. Best x
LikeLike
This was so sweet. Life does not want to slow down, but we can definitely put on the breaks sometimes by “making a roast”.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Being a more mature mother of three sons, I teared up on reading your poignant piece, and know, instinctively, that you are one of the ‘good guys.’ x.
LikeLiked by 1 person